The Comedian

The Comedian

DVD - 2017
Average Rating:
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5
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A look at the life of an aging insult comic named Jack Burke.
Publisher: Culver City, CA :, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment,, [2017]
Copyright Date: ©2017
Characteristics: 1 videodisc (120 min.) : sound, color ; 4 3/4 in
DVD video,4 3/4 in.,rda
digital,optical,5.1 surround,Dolby digital,rda
anamorphic widescreen (1.85:1),rda
DVD-video,NTSC,rda
video file,DVD video,region 1,rda

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j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

WARNING OFFENSIVE JOKES

You have to sit there with your legs apart for a half hour!
-Sweetheart, I'm from Alabama, how do you think we got the fence painted?
===
What am I getting for this gig?
-You get a percentage of the door.
So that's $11 and a burger. Your commission's gonna be a fxxx pickle.
===
How did they ever come up with a name like "Hicksville"? I looked up "Hicksville" on Wikipedia. It said "inbreeding" and "crystal meth." So why don't you change your name to something more pleasant like Somalia?
===
You shouldn't do marriage jokes. O.J. Simpson was a better husband than you.
===
It's not just me. I don't think humans were meant to be married. I mean, you want a relationship? Get a canary, get a fish. Get a fxxx chicken. Get a dog.
===
Your Honor there's no way Mr. Severin could've suffered brain damage
because according to the law, the way I understand it it has not been proven in this courtroom that Mr. Severin, in fact, has a brain.

j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

Uncle Moshit told me that before the first Thanksgiving the pilgrims thought that turkeys were sex objects. They couldn't fly, and "gobble-gobble" was Puritan for "blowjob." So when the Indians arrived, right after the Macy's Day Parade they brought turkeys all trussed up. They were with cranberry sauce and gravy and potatoes and the Pilgrims were like... They were pissed. They were like, "What are they doing? "They're eating our fxxx birds." But you know, being Puritans, they don't wanna be rude. But you know what? It turned out that the turkeys tasted even better than going down on their wives!
===
Were your parents in a Nazi barbershop quartet?
-Heh.
Yeah. It's always nice to see women laugh. Once you can make a woman laugh then you can make her do anything, they say. I don't know
if that's true.
-Is that what they say?
It's an old saying.
-Like a very, very old saying?

j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

My parents are immigrants. They're from Taiwan. Um, they moved to Texas when I was a baby. And, um, I think immigration is fxxx crazy. Can you imagine moving to a completely foreign country just so your offspring
would have more opportunities? Then your kid goes into stand-up comedy.
===
I'm Puerto Rican, which means I'm a Mexican with papers. I was a teenage-pregnancy case. That's how we do it in my family. We have our babies, then we get a job, then we get our periods.
===
And he's tough, he's ruthless, but funny. It's like Breaking Bad on acid, but funny.
===
But, listen, the idea is terrific, and we'll...
-Did I hear a "but"? I thought I heard a "but." Did we hear a "but"? There's a lot of butts sitting here, but does "but" mean "Give me some time"? "Let me think about it"? "Maybe never"? "Whatever"?

j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

I was opening for him one night... I mean, comedy. I was opening comedy. Yeah. We did a Jewish country-club gig.
-No. It was Italian.
No. It wasn't Italian. It was Jewish. They were Jews.
-I went in the men's room. Believe me, it was Italian. A lot of calzones.

===
I still remember him teaching me dirty jokes as a kid. Before I could say "Dada," I could say "caca." He taught me the B word, the S word, the F word. Yeah, all of them.
-She already knew the C word. She picked it up on her own.
===
You were so concerned about her growing up to be a Jewish American princess, you didn't even notice that she was turning out to be a Jewish American prince.

===
She's not the punch line for somebody's jokes.
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You know, I'm a sucker for an honest man.
-And I'm a sucker for a girl that has daddy issues.
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Anything we can do, we're here.
-I appreciate that, D'Angelo. Sure, if I need syphilis, I'll let you know.

j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

You mind if I smoke?
-I don't care if you burn.
===
Today, you can get by just by blowing the director. But, God, when I think of the things that you had to do.
-I did.
But whatever you did worked because you played some of the most iconic roles in the history of film.
===
Okay, Miriam, you're a dancer?
-Yeah.
Come sit on my lap. I'll spin you around like a dreidel. That was a Jewish joke.
===
Another fear
Another year
Another enema
In your rear
Elimination
Constipation
Not makin'
Poopie
Yeah.
Pee pee is fine
Except if it leaks
What'd you expect
From elderly freaks?
It's so abusive
Stools are elusive
Not makin'
Whoopee, not "poopie."

j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

I'd rather have Stevie Wonder shave my balls with a fxxx butcher knife
than be part of this fxxx reality show.

===

So, what's the deal with chores and allowances? I turn 8, and my mom says, "I'll give you $10 a week to make your room, wash the dishes, and clean the cat's litter box." Ten dollars? That's slave labor. I go to our neighbor's house, and I say, "What will you give me if I make your room, wash your dishes, and clean your cat's litter box?" Neighbor says, "I don't have a cat." So I piss in her hallway and say, "You go to 15 a week, and I'll supply the pussy."

j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

Okay, Jackie. You're finally working at the Comedy Cellar again. Don't fxxx this up. Don't curse too much. Don't pull your dick out. Don't attack anyone physically unless they really, really deserve it.
-Well, looks like all my ex-wives were wrong. The bitches. Sometimes, it really does pay to be a total asshole. And if I had known psychotic breakdowns were so entertaining, I'd have just been myself all these years. Oh, you know what? I forgot. I'm gonna be a dad. Yeah. You don't have to applaud. I know I'm fxxx old. I mean, halfway through pulling out, I fell asleep. Before my sperm leaves my balls, it has to stop and ask directions.

Comment

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j
jimg2000
Oct 10, 2017

The substantial volume of standup material by De Niro's character would make Don Rickle blush and Donald Trump's locker room humor like kiddie sleep over jokes. For the uninhibited, tons of laughs from Niro and supporting comics unless you were part of the punch lines as man, woman, mother, father, child, lesbians, Jewish, Mexican, African, Asian, young, old, hicks ... even dogs and pussies.

d
dyatlovitsky
Sep 19, 2017

This is a great movie! I was almost fooled by the ratings and reluctantly decided to watch it. It was so funny and good. All the actors were superb too. I really recommend it.

j
JackamoJames
Aug 16, 2017

Make no mistake, this is an ADULT movie. The type of film we used to go see at the theatre when these films could make a profit and everyone didnt expect shoot em ups and gangs.
It is a " dramedy". Sometimes vulgar, but that is because THAT is who Deniro was playing...an old time, almost Don Rickles type of comedian. If you have seen some comedians OFF of the television screen then you know they are not all clean and polite.
The drama part of the movie deals with relationships, looking at yourself, and getting through life.
This is a very fine acted film, that I am glad Deniro chose to do as it shows he has more than just tough guy acts still in him.
A bit slower for the young generation as its not really MEANT for them, so if you are not ready to be entertained by masters of their crafts who have paid their dues and concentrate on the acting rather than the action, and if you dont want to enjoy the drama of the characters, then by all means go and borrow another Fast and Furious movie.
Others, enjoy this film as Deniro shines and the supporting characters are brilliant.

b
beyardoe
Jul 17, 2017

This movie is very harsh in language. It's sad Robert De Niro talent was wasted on the movie.
I didn't even give the movie 10 minutes before losing interest.

Franln Jun 07, 2017

Robert DeNiro is always awesome...and he's always scoring much younger women in his roles. I would've liked to have seen a little more stand-up from the cameo appearances by comedians.

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